Holy Crap! Batman

In my case, the phrase is, "Holy Crap! Northern Utah Gastroenterology".

Let me explain in as few words as I can to help you gain the total picture. Well, I was told by my trusted and favorite physician, that when a person reaches the magical and enchanting age of 50, they are so fortunate to have the most awesome-est test performed, known to man and woman. A colonoscopy!

The day before the test, the victim must only partake of clear liquids and at the pre-calculated hour of 5 p.m., the torture begins. Every 15 minutes for the next hour, one must take 4 very special pills to begin the process of elimination (and I don't mean being voted off of Survivor) much worse. Then the fun begins until bedtime. You must cancel all your engagements for the evening. . .just trust me. . .cancel them. Don't forget to push the liquids, like that's the furthest thing from your mind, as your stomach gurgles and the nausea sets in.

I survived the night. Hallelujah sister. I'm feeling a bit dehydrated and weak. I am beyond hungry. I look forward to 11:30 this morning, as the fun begins again. The pills regimen starts over. I can do it. I can feel the pounds just melting off of my fragile frame. The goal, that I dream of achieving, is for my stools (Holy Crap) to appear as clear liquid.

At 2 p.m., I must stop all drinking period. My appointment is at 3:00 p.m., at Logan Regional, if you feel like sending flowers. Do it quickly, I won't be there long.

The only thing that makes this procedure seem remotely appealing, is the sedative that is administered for the examination, and the 30 minutes of sleep or bliss that I will experience. I'll awake none-the-wiser. For all I know, I've been shopping and having lunch with friends.

Just 35 hours later, I can partake of the bread of life. A hot fudge malt sounds delightful.

P.S. The sedative didn't work on me so I felt every turn and U turn only one in my position can begin to imagine. I talked with Dr. Davis the entire time. I think he may have wished I would have gone to sleep, I guess I got a bit chatty. Fun experience, one I'll never forget.